Sunday, September 25, 2011

Travel Preparations

As I discussed with Daniel, it's hard to find a starting point for this self appointed task. So instead of beginning at the beginning, a tired and boring way to tell stories, I'll start off at some random point in time and leave chronological order for goody-goody writers who care about not confusing readers. And just to keep things really interesting, I'll probably throw in some spelling mistakes and grammatical errors too. Build some suspense.

So...

A little over a year ago, a couple of friends and I decided to go to Europe for 3 months. We were young, curious and wanted to drink for half the price. A trip of this magnitude obviously required some thorough planning. This is where my dad stepped in, to offer some fatherly advice and wisdom.

As any protective father would be, dad was not too happy for his daughter to prance around Europe alone. He knew the real risks involved and needed to make sure we knew them too. He opted for an educational video. This movie, he told us, was a realistic depiction of what we might expect when we got off the plane. He gathered my friend and me together, sat us down, and told us to "really take note". The movie began. That movie was "Taken".

The next two hours were filled watching two girls get kidnapped, forced to do drugs, sold into slavery and prostituted(without forgetting the car chases, murder, and torture tactics) my dad sat with us to discuss this very possible scenario. "This might happen," he reassured us with tear filled eyes, "and I don't have the contacts he had. I'd never find you in time. You'd probably be dead after a couple of weeks". Now in his defense, my dad was raised in Colombia, where people do get kidnapped and are never heard from again. So we can't be too hard on him for probably thinking this was a documentary. He left for home confident we had come to our senses.

A while later, when I went to visit my parents, it became clear to him his documentary didn't change our plans. He decided to abandon scare tactics and turn to reason. He focused on work.

While this was happening, I had just spent the past 10 months working on the movie "The A-Team".

Another documentary featuring Liam Neeson

His major argument was that the film industry was a hard industry to break into. If I took 3 months off, all my contacts would forget about me and then I'd probably be expected to sleep my way back in. Again, with tears in his eyes, he argued the evils of the casting couch and that if I went traveling for 3 months, I would definitely never work again. If I wasn't being sold into prostitution in Europe, I'd probably be expected to pick it up when I got back. This very rational argument fell on deaf ears.

Distraught he couldn't change our minds about the trip, he decided he would chaperon us. He would take 3 months off work to travel with his daughter and her 2 friends. This idea was shot down before it was even completely voiced.

The next morning I was shaken awake by my very excited father. He had finally come up with a solution that would make everyone happy. We could go to Europe, have a good time, and he would come too. I rolled my eyes, the Alzheimer's was setting in early, when he concluded his plan. "I'll come with you to Europe, but you'll never see me!" he said with child-like enthusiasm. He would transform into some kind of middle-aged super spy and guard us from a distance. He would utilize his Colombian street smarts to basically stalk us around Europe. He would lurk in dark bar corners and sleep in alleys outside our hostels. Completely undetectable.

This is what my dad looks like ALL the time.
He is basically the first person you notice in every single situation.
He is wearing three pairs of glasses in this picture. He thinks this is incredibly functional. Note he is driving a car like this.
Also, he has a giant unruly mustache and looks like a criminal.

His spy alter ego plan was quickly killed. That was his final plea. He accepted that I was going to Europe and let it be. He let me go with only one request. That request was to wear a SPOT tracker on my belt at all times, sending him an hourly update of my exact global coordinates.


We settled for me pushing the button once a day. When he needed to come rescue me from drug dealing, prostitute selling Europeans, at least he'd have a starting point. Although it would "really mess up [his] retirement".


3 comments:

  1. Hahahaha, this is great, Ariana. I think the Biagi stories could make an excellent SitCom. But maybe that will be years down the road and this is where it will have all began. Keep it up!!

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  2. LOL we greatly needed a laugh and u really delivered. Will continue to follow. Loved it. Cathy Sue Pace from the Cape.

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